WOW TUMBLR thanks for not showing this message to me. >.>
ANYWAY, yes, I saw the announcement!! Totally planning on going. Are you? :D
LOL I’m fine. I’m just in the throws of trying to get this short story into shape and revisions are pretty much me wrestling all of my inner (inexplicably French) demons. But thank you, dear anon. :) <3333
This is literally me right now. With a dash of this:
And you want to know why? Because I’m revising a short story for an anthology. I would rather do almost anything than revise. I hate revising. And the real bitch of it is, I hate revising while also knowing that it’s the most important part of writing. Writing is rewriting—no. Good writing is rewriting. I get it. And my work is always stronger after the fact but that doesn’t change how much I hate it.
Revisions are the broccoli of the writing world to me. Which is actually a terrible analogy, because I love broccoli.
Revise: Revisions are the laundry of the writing world to me. It needs to be done, it’s necessary, and you’re glad when it’s over but it is the worst fucking chore in the world and it never ends.
See, that revision was worth it.
So let’s talk about what happens when I revise. I wrote a post on my writing process a couple years ago that people enjoyed, so hopefully y’all will enjoy this too.
Step 1: Open Word document. Hate everything.
Step 2: Caffeine.
Step 3: Look for literally anything else to do that will procrastinate revising. Clean out the refrigerator. Run errands. Sweep the porch. Alphabetize your DVDs. Look up random obscure facts on the origin of the phrase cat’s out of the bag.
Step 4: Go back to Word doc. Sigh heavily. Start revising.
Step 5: Consider adding booze to your caffeine.
Step 6: Start to wonder if you actually speak English, or if you’ve been living a lie your entire life.
Step 7: LOLOLOL plot what plot
Step 8: Actually add booze to your caffeine because hey, it can’t make it worse and Hemingway told you to write drunk and edit sob—wait. Fuck.
Step 9: Consider editing the Wikipedia entry on “writer” to include “see also: masochist.”
Step 10: Cry.
Step 11: WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN I KNOW I WROTE IT BUT WHAT THE FUCK WAS I TRYING TO SAY
Step 12: Realize you’ve descended into the Valley of Self-Doubt Despair and you should just buy property here because you’re never fucking leaving.
Step 13: Squint at the computer screen in disdain as you read a paragraph you’re pretty sure could be crafted better by a chinchilla on speed.
Step 14: Force anyone you’re friends with on Skype to read random paragraphs out of context and provide feedback.
Step 14a: Desperately crave their approval.
Step 14b: Immediately doubt any praise they give you as “you’re my friend you have to be nice.”
Step 15: Write a post on Tumblr that you hope is funny but is probably just really sad.
Step 16: Consider nunhood.
Step 17: LOLOLOL GO HOME JESS YOU ARE DRUNK
Step 17a: Realize you ARE home. gdi.
Step 18: Hate everything in technicolor.
Step 19: Crying intensifies.
Step 20: Finally actually revise the goddamned thing and send it off to the editor in an alcohol-fueled haze of desperation and self-loathing.
We know that games make us more confident and resilient in the face of challenges and failure, creating what Jane called “urgent optimism.” They can improve brain functions like spacial navigation, memory recall, strategic planning, and fine motor skills. Other benefits include: making the brain more flexible, slowing the aging process, potentially assisting with dyslexia and stroke recovery, alleviating pain, and, most important to this conversation, alleviating some kinds of depression.
All of this is based on the idea of that urgent optimism—that games always present you a challenge that’s just at the edge of your ability, but never out of your reach. They provide a feeling of success and achievement, which has positive benefits for our brains and behaviors.
I haven’t played Loved—two of my friends (which is admittedly a small sample set) have and told me about it, as well as their experiences playing it, and I did some research. I get that it’s dealing with a darker side of reality and may not even want to achieve any of the above positive outcomes because of that. But we also know that the more time spent playing video games, the more it changes you (as the studies above show). My friends that played Loved talked about how it made them feel depressed, worthless, anxious—which, indeed, seems to be exactly what it’s designed to do. I’m not exactly criticizing the game—it certainly appears to be a powerful tool to get people to understand what it’s like inside abusive relationships (indeed, both of my friends, who have troubled family lives, said it hit a little too close to home), which could potentially allow for more empathy toward those who are living in those situations. Loved just creeps the hell out of me, if I’m honest, and I’m never likely to play it, because I really don’t think that kind of stimulus is healthy for me. It worries me that if people play this game over and over and over, what’s it doing to them, knowing what we do about how games affect the brain? If games like Starcraft and Borderlands and League of Legends create powerful lasting changes through urgent optimism, what is Loved doing with its structure of choreographed abuse?
Like I said, I’m not like, on a witch hunt or saying it should be banned or mad at the creators or anything. These are just the concerns rattling around in my head, and I hope that people playing the game are able to walk away from it without harm.
"I loved you, always.”
going to comment a little on this game: the overseeing voice talks as if it owns you, and defies your free will. if you follow its orders, you are praised, and the worldview becomes sharper and more detailed. if you don’t, you are chastised, and the world becomes more vague and difficult to navigate, but also more colourful and loud. it’s odd, and sort of eerie, but definitely interesting. take it as you will.
This game really unsettles me. It unsttles me that my first choice to obey, and when I played again and disobeyed, I got really emotional really fast. Failure hurt me more the more I disobeyed. It was… interesting to experience.
i’ve always said we are trained to obey more than to think.
holy shit. i reblogged this the first time without playing. then i played in and it is terrifying. i very much like this, but it will give you intense feelings.
What’s the game??
you obey everything the game tells you too, even jumping into barbs and basically killing yourself. if you dont youre chastised and even the scolding is terrifying
So, essentially, it’s a game that illustrates what it’s like to be in an abusive parents or an abusive relationship - and how it affects you emotionally. That is horrific and ingenious - the next time someone negates the affects of emotional abuse, I’ll take them to this game and let them come to their own conclusions.
This game absolutely gets it. The most solid and reliable degradation is a gendered insult. The more you obey and co-operate, the better understanding you seem to have of your word, and things seem easier. But what really gets me is the contradiction. You are not allowed to have the correct answer. Are you a boy or a girl? The answer is no, I will give you the answer. even towards the end, your “praise” is “no, I will give you the answer. You earned this answer, but it is given to you by me.” Disobeying makes the world frightening and confusing and difficult, but beautiful in a world devoid of flavour.
great that it’s made by a fellow australian too
Reblogging this for later.
I get that this game might be attempting to make a point, but I find it horrifying in a way I can’t describe. We know all the good that playing games can do, and this just undermines it, in a way that I know—because of the research done on gaming in general—has lasting impacts. Yikes.
Hello anon! Thanks for being respectful in this question—I really appreciate that.
My dad was a marksman in the Army, so I grew up around guns. When I was 16, I was stalked by a guy who said repeatedly he wanted to rape me. We went to the DA, but at that time Idaho had no stalking laws, so the DA literally said he couldn’t do anything unless the guy beat me or raped me. That was when my dad taught me how to shoot.
It still didn’t prevent me from getting raped.
I was raped by someone else, a person I thought was a friend, with whom I thought I was safe. I was in my own home. This is the experience of approximately 65-85% of women. In that same link, you’ll see that about 40% of assaults take place in the victim’s home.
I tell you this so you’ll hopefully understand when I say I don’t think banning guns is the answer to violence, and I don’t think arming women is the solution to rape. It’s definitely not the solution to domestic violence; in homes where a gun is present, it triples the risk of death for abused women.
I also think there’s a danger in suggesting that women “just need to be armed.” (Not necessarily saying you’re suggesting that, but I’ve heard it before.) It flirts with victim blaming, because the implicit argument there is it’s still women’s job to avoid getting raped as opposed to it’s men’s job not to rape.
Laci Green posted an excellent video talking about why police ignored the threat posed by Elliot Rodger, even after his family urged them for action. She talks about how this is the result of a society that preaches violent masculinity colliding with entitlement. 99% of rapists are men. 60% are white. In Laci’s video, she says that 70 of the last 71 mass shootings since 1982 were committed by white men, and this is no accident—the same way it’s no accident that the majority of rapists are men. We have a culture problem, not necessarily a gun problem.
I support rational gun control—registration, background checks, and I’d actually like to see mandatory training, because as my dad warned me, never pull out a gun unless you’re willing and capable of using it. You’re right that society won’t change overnight, and the people arguing to ban guns are just as guilty of clinging to a simplified solution to a complex problem as the people wanting to give every woman a weapon. It’s a bigger problem than that, and frankly, I think the gun control debate is a distraction from examining why we are the most violent industrialized nation, why we have higher rape rates by orders of magnitude, why we have more people in prison per capita than any other nation on earth. I don’t think guns are the answer, but I don’t think they’re the sole problem either.
Like I said earlier, it’s not as simple as banning guns. This is a cultural issue. The man this January that sexually harassed me so badly that I had to run for help, and then grabbed me to prevent me from doing so, didn’t have a gun. He had a sense of entitlement to my body. The number—I’m guessing somewhere in the thousands—of catcalls and gropings I’ve endured since age 12 would’ve landed me in jail if I’d shot at them. Again, they weren’t armed with anything except a sense of entitlement to my body. I was 17 when I was raped, legally unable to possess a firearm. Most girls experience sexual assault as young as 14. Arming me doesn’t change the fact that I’ve been told, straight up, women aren’t capable of working in a technical field while I was currently working in a technical field. It doesn’t change the gender stereotypes that hurt both men and women. It doesn’t change a society that views me as property, as an object to be won. It doesn’t change me being blamed for my own victimization.
We have a cultural problem. Banning guns is only a band-aid until we address that.
kshartel replied to your post “I just saw your post from a few days ago, shared by a person I follow. For one, I’m happy to say that I’ve found a new great person to follow here on le Tumblr. Second, thank you for being awesome. When the day comes that my wife and I have a daughter (or daughters), I hope they will grow up to be strong women like you (and my wife, obviously). Sorry this isn’t an actual question, but just wanted to say that.”
Some”one” on the internet loves you? BITCH YOU HAVE YOUR OWN CHEERING SECTION. *hugs*
iT’S JUST MY TAG FOR NICE MESSAGES OKAY DON’T TAKE IT PERSONAL KAI-LYN.
-falls all over self-
Oh my gosh, hi! Thank you so much!! (I was so flustered and tired that I forgot to say that the first time, d’oh!) I’m glad you liked my post and my writing! I look back at some of the older stuff here and cringe, lol. But that’s what the process is about, right? Getting better over time and then being deeply embarrassed by things you wrote earlier in life. Like baby pictures, but with words.
ALSO SHAMELESS PLUG I’m working on an anthology right now, so if you like what you saw, watch for the release date! /SHAMELESS SELF-PROMO <3333333333
Wow. Your message was totally not what I expected today, but it was such an incredible surprise.
I’ve gotten a lot of unpublished hate for that post (I’m a big believer in block and report as a response), but I knew I would. I knew the can of worms I was opening and the names I would be called.
What I honestly never expected was the response it’s gotten from other women who echo the sentiment, nor your lovely message. I’m flattered and honored that you’d consider me a role model for your daughters (and hopefully sons!) That post was made from an overabundance of anger that I needed to express; I’m glad it’s doing something positive.
So thank you! Your message—and dude, don’t apologize for it not being a question—means more than I can say. It’s a reminder that it’s not all hostility out there. Thank you, thank you, thank you, and keep on bein’ awesome yourself! :)